Mannerly's Guide to the Fall Social Season
Photo: Mannerly
It's hard to believe it's already August and that summer will soon be coming to a close. If you're anything like me, that's actually more exciting than depressing. It means cooler temperatures are on the horizon, children will be heading back to school, and the start of Charlotte's fall social season, which is never short on fabulous events.
From black-tie galas and charity fundraisers to networking events, school functions, and holiday celebrations, fall is one of the busiest social seasons of the year. It's also a time when first impressions, thoughtful gestures, and everyday etiquette can make all the difference.
To help you prepare for the busy months ahead, I reached out to Mannerly founder Elizabeth Anne Russell for her expert advice. Through her etiquette classes and corporate training, Russell has helped individuals, families, schools, and organizations build stronger relationships with dignity, empathy, and presence. Her expertise will soon reach an even wider audience with her forthcoming book, to be published by Penguin Random House, which explores modern etiquette through the lenses of psychology and behavioral science.
During our chat, Elizabeth shared everything you need to know to get you prepped for the busy fall social season ahead.
Social Events: Making a Great First Impression
A quick glance at the Front Row Charlotte social calendar is all it takes to see that fall is packed with galas, fundraisers, and everything in between. No matter the occasion, Elizabeth says good etiquette begins long before you walk through the door.
First, respect the dress code.
"If you don't know what it is, ask," she says. "Then dress the part as a sign of respect."
If you're still unsure, it's usually better to be slightly overdressed than underdressed.
She also recommends arriving on time, not early, and being clear about whether you're bringing a guest when you RSVP. Never assume a plus-one is included if the invitation doesn't specifically say so.
Photo: Mannerly
Once you're at the event, don't overlook the small details.
When a tray of hors d'oeuvres comes by, take one item at a time using a napkin or small plate rather than eating directly from the serving tray. Keep your drink in your left hand so your right hand is free and dry for introductions and handshakes.
Perhaps Elizabeth's favorite piece of advice, however, has nothing to do with table manners.
She encourages everyone to make a point of meeting someone new as soon as they arrive.
"It's a mindset before you walk in," she says.
That mindset matters because, according to Elizabeth, people can feel your energy or your calm. We all read a room for cues, and we tend to find the ones we came looking for. Walking into an event with openness and confidence can shape the entire experience before the first conversation even begins.
Networking: Lead with Warmth, Not Credentials
Fall also marks the return of networking events, professional organizations, and business gatherings throughout Charlotte. While many people focus on perfecting their elevator pitch, Elizabeth believes the strongest first impressions begin somewhere else.
"Lead with warmth, not credentials," she says.
She points to research from Princeton psychologist Susan Fiske and her colleagues, whose work found that people evaluate one another on two dimensions: warmth and competence. More importantly, warmth comes first.
"People want to know your intentions before they care about your capability," Elizabeth explains.
It's a common mistake at networking events. Many of us introduce ourselves with our title or company before we've established any genuine connection.
Instead, Elizabeth encourages approaching conversations with curiosity.
Photo: Mannerly
One of the simplest ways to do that is by asking thoughtful follow-up questions. Research published in 2017 by Karen Huang, Michael Yeomans, Alison Wood Brooks, Julia Minson, and Francesca Gino found that people who ask follow-up questions are consistently viewed as more likable because they demonstrate genuine interest in the conversation. Rather than moving to the next question on your own mental list, build on what the other person just shared.
Her advice is simple: ask at least two follow-up questions.
Before wrapping up the conversation, Elizabeth shares one final piece of encouragement for anyone who tends to replay networking events in their head afterward.
Research on what's known as the "liking gap" suggests we consistently underestimate how much another person enjoyed talking with us.
"You leave thinking it went worse than it did," she says. "There's no need to audit every conversation on the drive home. It went great."
Back-to-School Etiquette Starts at Home
While much of the fall social season centers around adults, Elizabeth says some of the most meaningful etiquette lessons begin with children, long before they ever enter the classroom.
At the top of her list is the greeting.
"We should all be practicing this at home with our children," she says. "Stand, shake hands, and say the person's name."
Whether it's greeting a teacher with a cheerful "Good morning, Mrs. Carter," or introducing themselves to another adult, those first few seconds set the tone for every interaction that follows.
She also encourages parents to teach children how to introduce people to one another.
Introducing a friend to a parent or a parent to a teacher is a simple but powerful act of inclusion, and one Elizabeth believes children can begin practicing as early as age five.
Photo: Mannerly
Of course, timeless table manners still matter.
She recommends reinforcing habits like placing a napkin in your lap, chewing with your mouth closed, and waiting until everyone is seated before beginning a meal.
Beyond manners, Elizabeth hopes families continue emphasizing gratitude and kindness.
Handwritten thank-you notes remain one of the most meaningful ways to express appreciation, and at the dinner table, she encourages parents to ask an unexpected question:
"Who ate alone today?"
Follow it by asking what they did about it and who they helped that day. Those conversations, she says, teach empathy just as much as etiquette.
The One Habit to Practice This Fall
As our conversation came to a close, I asked Elizabeth if there was one etiquette habit everyone should adopt this fall.
Her answer was immediate.
"Answer the invitation, then honor what you said."
Rather than immediately saying yes, she encourages people to pause and think before responding. RSVP within a week, and if the answer is no, simply say no. A clear "no" gives hosts the information they need to plan, while an unanswered "maybe" leaves everyone waiting.
Then comes the most important part: following through.
Show up to the meeting. Bring the cupcakes you offered to bring. Send the introduction you promised to make.
"In a season this full," Elizabeth says, "being the person whose yes means yes is a sign of integrity."
Sometimes, she adds, that also means becoming more comfortable saying, "No, thank you."
After all, good etiquette isn't about saying yes to everything. It's about honoring the commitments you choose to make.
